WLT Manuscript Score Sheet

NONFICTION SCORE SHEET FOR 2013 WLT MANUSCRIPT CONTEST



Category: NONFICTION ______



Title ____Homeless Daughter_____Manuscript # _______NF26____


Judges: For ALL entries, please fill in blanks above and evaluate each item on the scale below, 1 to 10. (Zero or n/a are not acceptable scores.) For all entries EXCEPT those marked “straight entry” please also include 2-3 sentences of constructive comments in each of the 10 categories.

Points: Total minimum points = 10. Total maximum points = 100.
2 = Major problems. 4 = Needs work. 6 = Shows promise. 8 = Very strong potential. 10 = Excellent.


1. ____6____ Synopsis: Does the synopsis give a short summary of the narrative including subject matter, main characters, and conflict? Is the story line clear? Might the writer be able to produce a narrative based on this idea? Is the synopsis concise, compelling and complete?
Comments:
First sentence is hard to follow. Instead of relating the blow-by-blow personally here, I think it would be more powerful to write a synopsis with more control that explains the reasons for writing a memoir such as this. The good information you need is hidden in here, but it written almost as if it is part of the book, until the end where the author explains “I want people to fall in love with my mom.” That is the sort of analysis I think would be more helpful in a synopsis.

2. ____9_____ Hook: Does the story, subject matter, and/or main character grab the reader’s attention? Does the hook entice the reader to read further? Would the opening make the reader want to finish the book?
Comments:
Very clear and compelling. I think this is a worthy notion, to better understand homelessness; and the personal narrative—this is the author’s mother--gives it immediacy.

3. ____8____ Structure: Does the author adequately introduce the reader to the central subject of the book? Does narrative move at an effective pace? Does it flow smoothly?
Comments:
I would prefer less jumping around at the start—because, actually, that makes it seem like the author is unsure where the story begins. The hook is captivating. Then I might prefer we go back to the beginning for a smoother narrative arc. You might be able to work into the hook some of the material you are wanting to share by jumping into the future after the initial scene, if that was your thinking.


4. ____9____ Characters: Does the author clearly and vividly describe the characters or central figures in the book? Does the author provide convincing motives for the characters' actions/beliefs, whether fiction or nonfiction?
Comments:
The author has already begun to carve out realistic, rounded characters, through glimpses from different times and settings.


5. ____10____ Conflict: Does the author provide an original and credible conflict for the story? Is this conflict strong enough to move the story forward without distracting from it? Is it free from predictability?
Comments:
Very clear conflict, and well illustrated in the tension within the scenes.


6. ____10______ Dialogue (if applicaple) or Voice: Does the author present dialogue in a smooth, natural manner? Does it help move the action forward? If dialogue is used, it is credible, accurate, and documented? If the author uses no dialogue, does the voice make the thoughts and actions of the characters or narrator clear?
Comments:
The narrator’s voice is authentic and easy for readers to relate to (pardon the dangling prep). The actual dialogue is also believable and perfectly tempers the narrative—I like just little snippets of conversation that distill the moments recalled.


7. ____10_____ Setting: Does the author clearly and vividly describe where and when the story takes place? Does the setting enhance the story rather than intrude?
Comments:
The scenes in the hospital and in the social worker’s office are well described, helping put the reader in the narrator’s shoes. I also like the backstory scenes of stealing cigs from Granny’s purse, and the confession of the narrator to her mother, which begin to help us understand the backdrop of the narrative, and the tragedy behind her descent into homelessness and (I am assuming, perhaps) mental illness and addiction.


8. _____8_____ Narrative Arc: Does the author present a unique and intriguing narrative arc? Is the story line clear and concise, even in the case of nonfiction?
Comments:
I am hopeful the author will help guide readers a little more firmly with the structure, which bears on the narrative arc. For me, after the initial hook, it would feel more logical to go back in time to the start, rather than jump ahead. I recognize, the author may have her reasons. But from a reader’s perspective, chronology is easier to follow, and there are many unanswered questions until we are moored by the basic facts.


9. ____9______ Technique/Style: Does the author make skillful use of language and sentence structure? Are the descriptions vivid and believable? Is the author’s vocabulary appropriate for the book? Is the point of view clear? Does the author’s style enhance or interfere with the telling of the story?
Comments:
The writing flows and is engaging. Some of the mechanics work again the flow, though those are fairly easy fixes. The vocabulary and tone are perfect for telling this story—reasoned and poignant. The point of view is crystal clear.


10. ____8______ Mechanics/Grammar: Is manuscript neat? Is it free of grammar, spelling, capitalization and punctuation errors? (Authors may use such devices as contractions, intentional fragments, and sentences starting with conjunctions, if these devices are not overdone in context with the overall presentation.)
Comments:
All the doublespacing between grafs makes the writing feel more disconnected than it is. Use standard paragraph formatting instead to improve the flow. Extra space indicates to me a shift in time or frame of reference.
Make clear if the different scenes (ie “How could you? Age 42, Mom gone about 9 years”) are new chapters? With same typeface, only bold, and same doublespacing, it is hard for reader to understand the divisions.

Total Score _______

Additional comments on the manuscript as a whole:
This is an important project, and I hope it makes its way out into the world! The author has a unique bead on homelessness and it is a worthwhile project to educate others about the personal stories of those who become homeless, so they are not just a face on the street. I think this writing has lots of potential. The tone is warm and relatable and reasonable. Tighten up structure and mechanics, but this is a great start.