Jesus, Joseph, Mary, and...

Paul. Damn him! Wait. I don't need to do that. Pretty sure he's already damned.

But what a conniving, awful, lech of a person. I know we are all children of God, but even as such we can do some low down things. Does it get much worse than strangling someone, hanging out in their hospital room when they almost died because you don't have a home, drinking with them when they are dying from drinking and so are you, not telling their daughter that they are in hospice dying, and then giving hospice the daughter's number when the bill needs to be paid but it's too late for the daughter to see her mom before she dies?


Even when I got Mom on disability and they placed her in that mission, that effing Paul managed to get placed there, too, somehow! But at least at that point I knew that she was in a facility with rules and was being watched over.

They had moved out and gotten their own place again after their time was up there, shortly. Then they lost that, I'm sure. I stopped keeping track of Mom's exact whereabouts when she started communicating again with her sister, Mary.

Mary was one of the family members who absolutely didn't stand by me or Mom when we made our claim that we had been abused by a family member. That member was someone Mary wanted to protect, so she betrayed us, as I saw it. For years, Mom didn't have anything to do with her because of that. I'm not sure exactly at what point she changed her mind.

At the time, I was really hurt by her getting back in touch with Mary and that part of the family. I told Mom I felt betrayed by that.

"Well, honey, I need help. I need support."
"Ask me, Mom!"
"But, baby, that's not your job. I should get help from other people in my life."

She was right. And what had I wanted her to do? I had wanted her not only to stand up to her family, also regarding her marriage for herself, etc. And she lost all of that support. Then when she became so hurtful, she lost a lot of mine, too.

Yes, possibly she could've sought help from other places. She had sought solace in the church, for sure. Even they betrayed her. A counselor at our longtime church that even counseled our family turned out to be a pedaphile. I know she did not feel that she got the reaction she wanted from the church. Although she never lost her faith in Jesus, She definitely stopped believing in the church. So did I for a very long time. In fact, the family person that hurt both of us had actually been a Sunday school teacher many years ago, so people didn't want to believe that he could possibly be a sex offender.

The one place she refused to turn that I so wish she had been able to in order to find some peace, love, and support was a twelve step program.

I guess that damned Paul had his reasons. He knew I wouldn't let him be there with Mom if I was there. Hell, one person in my family was pissed at me that I didn't call Mary when Mom died. I refused. She had not spoken to me since I made my claim that her precious someone had hurt me and then Mom told her he had hurt her, too. Mary was spitting mad at me, and I had been a child at the time. I owed her nothing. I felt she had given Mom up when she chose to protect That person. Mom belonged to me, I felt. I also felt that getting in touch with Mary could reignite a potentially dangerous situation for me.

Thank God that at that time, when I was getting raked over the coals for being "bad"for not calling Mary, Joe was there to help keep me balanced and keep me focused on Jesus, too.

If I have done something wrong, I can make amends. As it is, I have not found it necessary in this case.